Musings

Sometimes when I feel unmotivated and down I ponder what ever made me think I could to anything. And tho I am old, I come back to The Matrix, and the lovely and then unheard of (unless you were like me & my brother and watched ‘Models, Inc’) Carrie-Anne Moss flying through a window, rolling down a flight of stairs, and coming up with both guns drawn, panting and scared, saying “Get up, Trinity, just get up. GET UP!”

Here was a woman who – unbeknownst to us – had been handling her shit and getting it done with Morbeus for quite some time, feeling a bit overwhelmed. Having to pep talk her way to the payphone booth. And I think to myself well, damn girl, it’s not life or death, it’s just sitting down in front of your expensive computer and typing for a few extra hours a week. Despite your tendonitis and fibromyalgia and everyday stress…it’s not like you have an Agent on your ass ready to wipe you out of existence.

And then I think Oh, but it IS like that, if I don’t write down the things in my head I may go crazy and one day confuse reality with my dreams or my memories like my father. Or I may just wake up one day and realize I paid my bills but my soul is broke. Or I will start to type and the words won’t come.

So when the feeling builds up and the night is long I will witch-up and write it all down, like I am right now. Because there is a noise in my head that will not be quiet, a drive that will not stay down forever, a need to share what I see and feel with the world…or at least a few good friends. And maybe somebody out there will like it; or maybe they will cut me down with their anonymous internet scorn. But no one knows what I have lived through but me. And I will NOT be judged by anyone I do not consider a peer. I will fly upside-down like in my visions and I will still go farther than most.

Join me or ignore me, the choice is yours. I cannot stress, however, how balls-out exciting this journey will be, so ignore me at your loss, haters; I can name five people that would help me hide a body – how many friends like that do YOU have?!

Kiss noise – M.StrainLuv